woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
