I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
