He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize