Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
