She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
