pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
