that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
