i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
