he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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