cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
