in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
