thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
