I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
