is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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