when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drake has all the answers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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