It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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