I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
