Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
