he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
