You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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