shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
