i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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