My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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