I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
