last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
