I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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