the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dignity is for republicans.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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