I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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