So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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