My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
