what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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