Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
two words: eviction party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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