Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize