I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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