and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
