I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
