Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
