i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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