How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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