I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
