On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize