I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize