Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
