It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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