i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
