even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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