she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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