apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
