Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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