I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize