One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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