Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
