I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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