So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
