she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
