its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize