But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
