God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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