She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
