you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
