We named our party play list daddy issues
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
