I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
