I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
