Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
