john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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