My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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