the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
