the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the day after is always just damage control
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize