i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
