is your mom at the bar?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
