The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
