She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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