Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize