i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
