double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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