I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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